Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich and Rick Santorum are traveling in the South Carolina countryside. Weary, they stop at a small country inn. “I only have two rooms, so one of you will have to sleep in the barn,” the innkeeper says. Santorum volunteers to sleep in the barn, leaves, and the others go to bed. In a short time they’re awakened by a knock. It’s Santorum: “There’s a cow in that barn. I’m afraid of cows, so I can’t get to sleep.” Romney says that’s OK, he’ll sleep in the barn. The others go back to bed, but soon are awakened by another knock. It’s Romney: “There’s a pig in that barn. I really love pigs and hate to see them restrained in any way, so I can’t get to sleep out there, either.” So Newt Gingrich offers to go sleep in the barn with the cow and the pig. After he leaves, the other two soon fall asleep, but they’re shortly awakened by a frantic banging on the door. They open the door and the cow and pig charge into the house in panic, followed shortly by Gingrich, zipping up his pants. Startled fully awake by the ruckus, Romney and Santorum demand Gingrich tell them what in hell happened out in the barn. “For God’s sake,” replied Newt, “I was just trying to show them how I’d be their paycheck president!”